Why Am I Even Writing Any of This?

I often ask myself, “why am I writing this? why would anyone care to read any of this?”  Best way to answer this question is that I have no idea why writing any of this and as to why you’d read it, thats up to you I guess.  Maybe you haven’t seen me in a while and instead of sending me a text or shooting me a tweet you thought you’d get a brief but fairly accurate view of how my life is going.  And lets be honest, if you had asked me how I’m doing directly, I would 110% lie straight to your face and say everything is fine and I have no internal conflict what so ever.  All in all, I’m writing all of this for me.

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a blog for quite some time and writing a blog that was off the top of the dome but also well thought out.  As you’ve see so far with my blog posts I’ve written about TV, my favorite musician, and a blog about wanting to get fit.  The only blog that had any sort of substance was my blog about Frank Ocean.  I actually went back and talked about how some of the lyrics affected my life, but even then I could have added more.  It was late when I wrote that and I wanted to sleep.  It was lacking and I don’t think I even knew what I wanted to talk about.  That’s why my podcast sucked, I didn’t know what to talk about and I just rambled like an idiot and it wasn’t worth it for me to keep doing.

At risk of me sounding like a pretentious douchebag, I guess I started to do this blog as a form of creative expression and as a way to keep me thinking of new projects.  I’ve been talking slow steps to finally creating things that I want to create.  a year and half ago I bought a Canon t6i, 10 months after that I bought a new lens for a new affect, and a few days ago, I finally bought a mic for the camera, a steady cam and an LED light to mount on the camera.  My problem is I’m really self conscious about asking people to go out with me and talk photos.  I more of less would like for them to ask me.  I really need to add to my portfolio, so I can show off some work.  Also, I want to start shooting video.  I used to shoot videos in High School with Tyler under the Youtube Channel name PGvisions (search at your own volition) and our videos were poorly made and not well thought out, but they were great because they were ours.  Recently, I’ve become a big David Lynch fan.  I haven’t seen everything, but I have seen Twin Peaks, Twin Peaks: Fire  Walk with Me, Eraserhead, Mulholland Drive, and Blue Velvet.  His style of filmmaking really stuck with me.  The blatant surrealism, the ominous, drowning white noise, the over-exuberant characters, I was completely hooked.  After seeing his work, I began to want to create again.  Create what exactly? I have absolutely no clue, but the spark is there.  I was watching the behind the scenes of Twin Peaks: The Return, and after filming the scene where Candi accidentally cracks one of the Mitchum brothers in the face with a remote (which is an extremely long drawn out scene), someone asked Lynch if he could mark it so they could shorten up the scene.  Lynch was enraged, and to paraphrase he said, “Who cares how long a scene is?  Seriously!  Who gives a fucking shit how long a scene is?”  Sometimes things in life, things are long and drawn and then suddenly, BANG!, someone hits you in the face with a remote control, or something big happens in your life.  Just realize things had to happen to get that point, a lot of hard work and a lot of good decisions.

I’m hoping this blog was one of the good decisions on my route to good things happening.    And that is why I write this blog



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